Amy Arena

I wouldn't say I "liked" Amy Arena so much as I passively enjoyed her one hit song, "Excuse Me," when my local radio station played it incessantly during the Summer of 1995.  My critical faculties hadn't kicked it yet.  It was just part of the air I breathed, like how we all breathe in car exhaust without liking it but without minding it terribly, either.  

The mid-90s girl power, Lilith Fair thing produced a lot of music that is too easily mocked.  At this point I'd sound like a dick if I called Tori Amos a whiny, hairy hippie, because her movement came and went without having any long term impact.  And actually, she was a pretty good artist despite all her self-righteousness.  

However, there should be no limit to the number and severity of shots taken at Amy Arena.  Here's why:

Yes, this song actually saw airplay on mainstream radio.  There isn't even any rhythm to the talking.  At least rap-metal had that.  

Thankfully Amy Arena has sunken into extreme obscurity, without even a Wikipedia page to her name.  Her official website is delightfully amateurish in its attempt at making her look multitalented and successful.  She's a voiceover artist ("Sexy Announcer" for Jerry's Pizza), an actor ("C3" in the play, "Performing Objects Stationed in the Subworld") a film star ("Opal" in "Hunk of the Month") and model (apparently being an emcee for the Furniture Factory is modeling).  She also recorded a series of motivational, "in-your-face affirmations," entitled "You Are Not a Big Fat Loser!" 

Even though she hasn't released any music since 1995, she describes an upcoming album at great length, comparing it to Guns n' Roses, The Beatles, and a dirty little whore.  Seriously - a dirty little whore:

I thought of calling this body of work a thousand different things to describe the variety of it that is, indeed, me.  My favorite so far is "Dirty Little Whore" because the album just sorta gets around, you know?  And eventually, you'll have your hands all over her.  And you'll be passing her around, talking about her behind her back, but you'll love her in spite of her wild inconsistency.  We'll see.  I don't want anyone confusing the concept with my dignified reputation as a person.

She really should add a "maker of excellent metaphors" section to her website.  Maybe the Furniture Factory is hiring.